I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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