god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
it was like eating out sand paper
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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