And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
