census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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