my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
