piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize