We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize