We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
