it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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