I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
