Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Ketchup is God's man juice
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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