That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
