It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
