too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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