well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
