Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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