Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
