I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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