So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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