ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize