I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
