I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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