SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The best revenge is premature balding
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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