Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
