You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
