She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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