it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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