We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I feel like a drive thru vagina
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize