When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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