If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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