She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
