So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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