Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think I won the penis lottery.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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