If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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