Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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