and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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