I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
