So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Randomize
