During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
