some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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