Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
