walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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