We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
