Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
