I'm jealous of your bromance
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
