That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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