It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
