Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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