Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
