I have demons in me.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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