i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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