its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
