Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
