Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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