omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
