Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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