I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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