Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Omg I joined a choir last night...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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