Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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