I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
