ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
