Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
