some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Randomize
