I saw his package. It spoke to me.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
