does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
