Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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