Swine flu. Run for my life!
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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