Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
