i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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